


Dying Wish

by re_nan



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Caleb - Freeform, Death, Divergent, Gen, Natalie Prior - Freeform, Past, Tris - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/re_nan/pseuds/re_nan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Here is something interesting: now I know that it's true that when you are dying most of your memory comes to your mind as a lightning, illuminating briefly every corner of your thoughts."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dying Wish

**Author's Note:**

> I finished the first book yesterday and I got really excited with the saga. Then something came to my mind. Natalie is AWESOME. She gave her life to her daughter. This is my tribute.
> 
> Oh and I know her name is Natalie Prior, but probably this surname is Andrew's and I had to invent one for herself.

Seeing that my daughter crossed the street and reached the alley made me feel relieved. "Be brave". That's what I said and that's probably what she is doing now. The shot ripped my abdomen skin as easy as a pebble sink in the water.

I made the right choice, I am protecting her. There was not any other way. I had to distract the warriors of the Dauntless and then she could escape. 

I believe we don't have a specific feature we must have when we are sure we are going to die. So it doesn't bother me to be faceless.

Here is something interesting: now I know that it's true that when you are dying most of your memory comes to your mind as a lightning, illuminating briefly every corner of your thoughts.

And back there I am, back to the dark corridors of the Pit.

***

I'm walking quickly to the dining hall and I feel happy because in some days I will be certain that I belong here. I love the moist smell of here, I love the black clothes that fit my skinny body perfectly and I love the urge of adrenalin. I'm lying. I'm not happy because I will be certain my place is here, that I almost know it, I'm happy because after the aptitude test, I will initiate and become a member and then probably understand everything.

I make way to the table where Norton is. He is my age and he is the most perfect guy I've ever seen. He has the eyes of a raven ready to attack me. And maybe that's the reason why I like him this much. Which member of the Dauntless wouldn't want to be something who always intimidates? That's probably another crazy desire to be always under some kind of predictable danger.

I can see myself with him forever, risking our lives, it's beautiful. I will never leave this place. I belong here. I'm almost sure of it.

***

Now I feel something penetrating my shoulder.There is no pain. I feel the urgeto smirk. I'm probably smirking. I feel something dripping down my arm; maybe it is raining. I'm happy, my daughter is brave and strong and she is going to be okay. It would be selfish to feel sad for not seeing her again or Caleb.

I can't be selfish. I can't regret my action, being sad means I'm doing something entirely for my family. This emotion won't get to my heart.

***

Yesterday I took the aptitude test.

I have to learn that things are not as we want them to be.

“Inconclusive”, that's what I've heard from a man that applied the test. Somehow I knew it. I knew I was different; I was only trying to be like them all the time. But I don't care. I will stay here. I love this place.

I go to my dormitory. I want to rest and put things right in my head. There isn't a doubt, but am I going to succeed here? A shiver goes down my spine with the thought of being factionless.

The room is not cold, but I feel it. I'm in bed, maybe waiting to fall asleep, maybe trying to think something about the test.

Then I feel a breeze. The door of the dormitory opens revealing the concerned face of my father.

He steps in and I hear the door being shut behind him. He looks too worried by the thought of someonehearing what he is probably going to say. He has always had these big eyes when he wanted to talk about something, but there is this new scared tone in his pupils, a bright tone of fears in his eyes.

“What's wrong?” I try to sound as normal as I can. I don't want him to think about the Aptitude test.

“Lily...” this is how he calls me, an unusual nickname for Natalie, but when I listen to it I feel totally home. “There was a problem with your test and that's why we have to talk.” His eyes look like theyare holding backtears.

“You are Divergent; you don't belong anywhere my dear-”He can't get rid of the sad tone.

He continues and I get only a few words. Dangerous, kill, die, choose, other, faction, protect, safe, love, brave are the words I remember he said. I shake my head.

I can’t believe that I finally understand everything he said. I have to leave my faction and choose another one in the ceremony. The reason is that I am not safe, not here, not there, but there at least I won't draw so much attention.

***

My legs are getting weaker. I tremble and feel some sort of cold rising from my stomach to my skin. I'm melting. The first thing to hit the floor is my left knee. The vibration of the impact is like falling from a hundred feet building.

I wonder if Beatrice is still there. I don't want her to see it. I don't have the strength to turn my head anywhere, so I can't check if my daughter is looking at me. I hope she is not, I hope she followed what I said. _I hope she survives._

***

I don't know who I am. My father had said those things, but I still don't understand all of it. He said the only reason I am still alive is because he works for the government, otherwise I would be dead, because of what I am. He said I have to choose Abnegation.

I don't want to think about how my life is going to be. The ways I will take. 

I enter the Hub where the Choosing Ceremony happens. I have to wait as everybody else till someone calls my name. 

I'm waiting. 

My heart is beating so fast that I am afraid someone hears it.

I'm thinking about the things I will leave behind, my family, Norton, my friends. I love them. I thought I would fight for the rest of my life. But I won't. I am a coward, my father and I for doing this. He doesn't want me to be in danger and I am running away.Two cowards. I don't belong to the Dauntless anyway.

“Natalie Peterson,” a grave voice says.

I hear my name as if it were an alarm. An acute sound that makes me shiver and feel some sort of desperation. Maybe Abnegation is my place, I am not really brave. I am afraid of this ceremony.

And here I go. I get the knife and close my hand on it. I open and I can see my blood escaping from the wound I made. I place my hand over the rocks and paint them red. I choose Abnegation.

***

I feel both of my knees on the floor and I start to feel tired. Maybe death is like a sleep. Maybe I will fall asleep and awake somewhere else, a wonderful place perhaps like the orchards of the Amity. I love those places.

I'm hearing aconstant acute sound nothing compared to music but soothing. My body is moving as it is trying to dance, to move with the sound. 

I am numb. I'm closing my eyes.

_It's time to bed_. 

How many times I have said this to my kids? Now it's my time.

Death is no longer a fear. It is my certain destiny and a desire as well. I am exhausted. I let my body fall to my right. _Let_. I smile thinking about the term, I don't exactly have a choice.

My head reaches the floor, my eyes are semi-opened. On the contrary of what I thought there is no blur coming.Instead, everything gets lighter as if a bright angel is coming to take me.

_Come my angel, come and if it's not too much to ask and as you are already here, save my daughter, make her safe._


End file.
